jaded, but not yet faded

when you start thinking of memories, of old times, good and bad, what is it that usually comes first to your mind? its pobably the first and the last events in a series of continuous chains .. even though they might be of the least significance ... even though the incidents in between might have shaped your life and you as a person on the whole, it is just those few moments that spring to the mind. was having this imaginary conversation with a friend (planning to call him and thinking of what all we need to talk about) i realised that the very first day we met (that was the start of the engg coll) was still floating in my mind, as if it had happened just a couple of days back. and then coming back to the present, i feel the first memory might be the only good memory about that incident which i am yet to see to a final end shape, but am not making any attempts to that end. all i know is that i can live with my memories as well, for a very long time, a few good memories .. and even in this short while, i am fortunate to have had one such incident. i am not sure if this is the end, the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning .. but am all too lost to decide for myself.

sweet tears

it was a day of tears. all day long i had been thinking how someone's tears can make you weaker and was at the same time thinking of ways to convey the message with a twist .. (more on tht later ;)) .. something like the onions u put in my lunch are bad for my health ..  but then i realised, that tears actually made me stronger. my tears, the result of my tribulaions, the overcoming of my fears. i never cried when Mumbai shook. but i did cry when i learnt tht Mumbai stood rock solid. i cried tears of joy. Thanks John bhai for reposing my faith. i am an even stronger believer now. for all that has been going on a round me, it was very easy to loose faith but then there has always been liht at the end of the tunnel. no, the etars of joy dont taste sweet, i actually tasted them. but yes, its like that tv commercial which says that i derive my pride from the fact that i am righteous, tht i shouldered my responsibility when the need so arose. and thats what makes me different. an average daily commuter in Mumbai, may be one in crowd, but today in my opinion, that unknown Mumbaikar stands apart from the crowd. and i swell with pride when i think of this. Jai Hind !

desire, duty, dreams

drifter, dreamer, drop out ... am i serious of my self professed vocation? or just too fond of getting high? what can i say about the truths i hold and the lies i tell? about the fires that burn within me and what is left once the flames die out. and even when i am true to most people, am lying to myself. and i threw it all away. yeah i threw away the keys. good for whom? not for me. maybe not even for you. i want my life back. i want the life in my life back. i also want my campus back. i want my net speed back, i want my mess parties back. i want happy to come back. i want you to ome back ... not sure where you are right now, not sure whether you will ever come back,not sure why i let you go away, nay, pushed you away. i want you again. again after all i have done. again, cos i want a new beginning. again, cos i actually want a beginning. finally.