the elusive elevating elixir

off late it has happened to me (and alarmingly, with greater frequency !) that some event caught me by surprise and even as i was debating whether to accept it or to start analysing it, trying to raise sufficient doubt in my mind so as to keep it on a shelf which badly needs dusting, (its been quite a looong while since I checked on the progress of events filed there) I conclude that it went by unnoticed all along and that is where the fault lies !! and then I realise that it went by unnoticed all along and that  is where the fault lies. Hasty updates of the shelf material and I go on. And after two days, it hits back. U stand back, remove yourself, look at the shelf (only look, without doing anything of course) and then the thoughts cross the mind – why did THIS happen to me ? why did this happen to ME ? WHY did this happen to me ? and another sets of events gets ready to catch u unaware ! Denial? Mockery? Resistance? But the pain hasn’t subsided, you have only learnt to live with the pain, with a few pain killers probably. And then the realisation that you no longer need the pain killers. You celebrate the day, a victory on your dilemmas, a triumph of mind over matter. And then you move on, leaving those issues behind. Then the dust becomes too much to handle! You want the files on the shelve to shrink, to burn, to disappear. You write a closing chapter for all the files waiting for the opportunity to just fit it in and throw the file away. But you cant do that. It only scatters the pages all over, and the pages most often are left there till another file appears, pushing you to look for free spaces in the room!  And you realise that you have been increasing the size of the shelf all this while. And then, the unmentionable happens. You remove yourself, detach yourself and yet at the same time you keep coming right back in! you try to find reasons, try to fit pieces of an unknown puzzle… a puzzle which may never even exist! Then finally you call for help and the person simply throws away those files. You cringe when that happens but you cannot cure yourself of this cancer otherwise. So you let go grudgingly. And then, since you were always avoiding the file keeping, you feel its ok to let go of the habit itself. And then? No more .. no less .. but you wait for at least one more file to come your way, at least one more shot to close the cases like you always wanted to, one more chance to detach yourself ! Not rarely is it too late. But for once, the ruins do shriek, to haunt the visitors, to give birth to legends. If only, an elixir could make me young, could take me back again; if only I could stop and skip the loop and smile again and move on (like they show in those insurance ads) and if only my old mates hadn’t grown so much so fast !!