love, actually

so .. a long week awaits me.... n yet what just went by wud still remain the longest day of my life i guess ... not quite the five point someone style, but yes, a very long day ... but more than ne thing, if i could keep back with me one highlight of the day, it wud be the speculation of my being in love ... hah ! it was meant to be an innocent status message .. abt the stereo nation song tht i had found over the local net .. n was listenoing to with much delight .. but the lyrics were such tht ppl thought i was in love n very much lost in it. the long phone chats with vp just added to the confusion ... ubt tht left me pondering the question am i in love ?   what is love actually ? and wht abt the last 3 times i thought i was n love ? well whatever be the case, it was much different this time round. i still dunno if its love .. cos i certainly dont think it is .. but there is a magical aspect to this all ... n if u ask me if i remember one instance when i wud hav killed myslf for just being there wud be when she said the magic word,  ... but the magic had already been done by then .. it was just a matter of when it wud come out. well, the reason why i dont think this magic is love is because, of two reasons. firstly, this time round, i havnt turned over a new leaf, or started writing poetry like the last time round. personally, tht was a very creatively fulfilling period. secondly, there was another incidence when sm1 casually said smthing to sm other guy but it was said so sweetly and most of all innocently, tht i was mesmerised. so it definitely cant be love.

but isnt this the way i want things to be ? i just want to be myself n how many ppl make me feel at ease ? very few. so this is smthing i enjoy, or like todays class, i value. so can this be love? maybe yes. its not the magic but the simplicity of things tht i wud call  love. the honesty is the beauty or in techie language, wysiwyg. and in the most honest of all situations, i feel like i hav found smthing tht deserves the best of me ... n this is why i change, yet remain the same. this is why i love being here. this is why i can love everyone around me. this is why i can love myself. this is why i may be able to love sm1 else some day.