zilchiness

you need a reason to do something but you dont need a reason to do nothing ... but then you do it when there are reasons enough not to do it .... the truth is after all the detailing you do not have it in you to see the big picture ... the ability or the desire or the strength, i do not know. like that dialogue in the movie Akhir Kyun, or maybe the last few lines of that Galsworthy story ... you only hide .. or evade ...but "chhupta nahin dhuan"... which is why i was almost compelled to write by those lovely violet flowers in Dediyapada .... but then held off to take in the beginning of another season ... another title challenge .... only that this time i'm a few months to the good ... have hard that U2 song a few more times .... and remember it fewer than before ... countered depression with its own dose, fumbled aound with my spellings, tried to philosophise everything .... and revive a cellphon. Losing and finding your God again isnt easy .... you're not even sure of the sameness of eternity ... its like waiting for the bus ... waiting. thinking about people makes your thinking so confined ... even if those people happen to be from your fav novel .. and make some of the most remarkable quotes ... but despite those quotes, you dont like to remember them people. and to think that one should go on a journey to find self ... which is still nobler compared to some other searches .. but what if the two become one .. can the two become one ? in true Sufi style God becomes beloved ... and maybe not in Pip style ...     ... its often the unspoken which changes things ... but should it remain unpoken just because you have no words for it or because you want it to remain unspoken ... for the time being, let me think of the tree, the brownrolled up sleeve, the blue jeans, the ..... because that is something i do not have words for and even if i found some, i wouldt speak those ...